Funny in a weird way

I will be putting random jokes. I love jokes, of all sorts. I love to laugh, and that is the only way I am going to get through life! :)

(anonymous site)
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to
the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the
doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted
the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's
blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At
this point, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued
to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife
considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to
him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her
husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.


http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2006/09/29/adoption/
Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of a
family. One little boy in the picture had a different colour hair than
the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a
little girl said, “I know all about adoptions because I was adopted.”
“What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child. “It means,” said
the girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.”



http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/family/equal.shtml
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose.You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.